Have you heard the one about …?

Humour Teacher Stories

Not so easy to find Buddhist jokes, so I made one up:

It’s 2020 and the Canadian government decides to host a Buddhist conference in Nunavut as part of their initiative to demonstrate national presence in the north. They send a lama, a bhikku and a roshi to attend the conference.

Somewhere along the way, their plane goes down and the three Buddhist teachers find themselves on a deserted island in Hudson’s Bay, somewhere on the muskeg. The three are miraculously alive, and hold a quick discussion about what to do. They decide to explore for an hour and then reconvene to share their discoveries.

Upon their return, the lama immediately says: “I’m pretty used to the cold because of my powers in Inner Heat Yoga, but you two might find it a bit difficult. Fortunately, while wandering around, I found a polar bear’s cave. I made love with the polar bear, who is a manifestation of Palden Lhamo, and she gave us her blessing to share the cave. When our son is born, he will become a great teacher in forty years. In the meanwhile, we can be warm there.”

The bhikku, who has been struggling to keep himself quiet, can’t hold back any longer: “Your story is preposterous, sir. It is an affront to the precepts! Furthermore, since according to the laws of dependent origination, this place is no different from any other, I have complete equanimity about our presence here. I have no need to be rescued and I certainly have no desire to share a cave with you and a polar bear. Our karma will evolve as it should. I performed my alms round and have returned with berries for us to eat.”

The roshi, who has been listening to this exchange patiently, adds his perspective: “I’ve e-mailed my brother with our GPS coordinates and help will be here in a few hours. In the meanwhile, would you two like to watch Karate Kid with me on my iPhone?”

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